Cargo To Destiny

She’d let me go, so her return was unexpected. Initially, I felt shocked, but it was so subtle as to be nearly non-existent because she’d returned with precise terms, and because her approach provided me a box to work in, I didn’t know what to think, so sat on my emotions for a while. It was better to listen than follow them.

I went through every emotion in the book only to realize I was numb, that I’d compartmentalized what had been too difficult to face when she initially parted ways. My only anger was at myself, for having what felt to be a lack of knowledge, that I’d continued to feel too much in the first place.

It didn’t seem necessary to unravel the intricacies of what I felt but was refusing to feel. Instead, I worked with what was in front of me, ignoring the uneasiness growing inside. The pain seemed to require that I walk backwards while juggling an overindulgence of humble pie in a variety of flavors rivaling Baskin Robins.

Soon I discovered it would need to be faced because the mirror refused to believe my stories in advance of reaching the paper, making it a challenge to pick up the pen.

Could I say it out loud? Would that make it believable?

I sat against a door staring at my image in a full-length mirror, wondering where I’d gone, why the compartments were all inside of me, and not somewhere else, anywhere else I wouldn’t be forced to look.

“Is everyone’s life this hard?” I wondered as tears made their first appearance of the day.

“Do I really own these? Can I sell them, maybe make a salt rock lamp or two? If they were money, I could use them to build a house for everyone I know and everyone I don’t. Do people really care about their physical homes more than the tears flooding and endangering the furniture of their souls?” my mind questioned.

No one sees us drowning if we’ve practiced floating well enough before the mirror. The mirror seemed to accept floating over stories.

I wiped my face, stood up, blew my nose, and went back to work. That’s what you do when you’re a ship carrying precious cargo to its destination.

One day we’ll get there too.

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