Scraping For Deliverance


My understanding of highly driven self-motivation is patchy, like an incomplete quilt. 

Recently, it felt as if an opportunity to witness an answer in person might not return, so curiosity led to ask a question out loud. It resembled an eraser of those lines people sometimes draw between themselves and those whose names are preceded or followed by titles. 

But when the goal is to learn, one can’t allow opinion to barricade their methods of drafting interpretation. Why and how was the base of the question and was directed at an individual’s way of living, a person operating in layered dimensions of pain, but who outwardly appeared healthy, worldly successful, and confident. 

Still, these weren’t the reasons for the question. 

It found voice because behind the scenes, he’d allowed himself to be vulnerable, without appearing to allow vulnerability to slow his movement. However, what I believe to understand about pain, vulnerability, and movement, is that appearance is only the shell of a potential pearl, and how we live a formula that determines the type of wisdom or brilliance we shine within ourselves and outward to others.

In his answer, he expressed how passion and commitment supported adherence to structure and routine. It was too clean to be real.

While self-discipline can be admirable, it can also be self-defeating. Sometimes it exists only to appear worthy when embossed on a business card, yet loses all its radiance on the floors of the printing factory. 

It was what he said last that stayed with me,
“… it’s sad, but there’s only a small block of time I spend with my family.”

It was the words ‘sad‘, ‘only‘, and ‘block‘, that pointed to the self-defeating side of his self-discipline. We all have one, so the formulas used to shine floors can be interesting and valuable to try, even if only once, with the knowledge that every floor doesn’t shine with the same treatment.

The chemistry of self-cohesion endeavors to deliver the shell and pearl to the same ocean floor, that it might surface upon the same shore.


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