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Special


They were at the same hotel
For different reasons
He felt uncomfortable when she
Approached, not looking
Directly into her eyes
When he spoke

He said he’d been back
To town a few times
Though mainly to take
Care of logistics
Before heading back

Her presence felt intrusive
So she said goodbye
Before retreating to a room
Only several doors away

When her food order arrived
She opened the door and
Saw a woman half-naked
Run into his room
Then close the door to the
Pounding of techno music
At full blast

Something inside felt gutted
Then was followed by an eerie calm
The truth she didn’t want to see
Was shown

She closed the door
Then sat down to eat
Wondering if the woman
Felt special, like her


Thoughts
I visited a cousin that day, and this was the explanation of what she observed. But she never ate the food that was delivered, opting to drink instead. Inexperience led me not to speak, offer condolence or advice. Instead, I warmed up her food, then sat next to her and ate it while listening to her expression of disappointment. I didn’t understand the scope of what she’d attempted to explain, and I didn’t try to after resonating with not feeling special. She didn’t say ‘special’, but I think it’s what she meant.

Some people don’t believe they’re unique, and some don’t know they are. We were both ordinary believers in external validation because we didn’t think our lives could stand alone in a meaningful way. I suspect that so far in life I’ve been the spirit of the man she felt disappointment in, and the spirit of the woman she felt jealousy toward.

The spirit I’d not spent time with, was a particular child I’d not been introduced to, and who came to me in a dream without food or drink, music or words. She took me out to one of my favorite places, or anywhere off the beaten path USA, and asked me to look around and play ‘I Spy’ with the surrounding beauty. We reached the shore of a hidden beach, and she asked me to walk to the water’s edge until I saw my reflection. Doing as she asked, I stood frozen when seeing myself in such wondrous vastness. That was the end of the dream.

‘I Spied’ the unique beauty in myself through a child spirit, then understood.

We mustn’t believe we aren’t special because someone doesn’t treat us accordingly. Anyone that treats us less than we deserve is our sharing their experience of not recognizing their heart’s reflection. We can try until we turn blue to become the ocean to bring that recognition to them, but ultimately, they must travel to their own off beaten paths and risk the view from shores intended for their eyes only.

It is futile to drown one spirit, expecting to resuscitate authenticity into another content with living in disbelief of their soul’s reflection.

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