The neighbors stood outside amidst police and ambulance lights, fire trucks and sirens to witness the the release of a hostage, a woman who’d recently purchased a small one bedroom on the corner of their quiet street.

She’d only moved in the month prior along with a twenty year old German Shepherd dyed green and a hundred year-old tortoise.  When asked why the dog was green she explained the importance of coordinating with the tortoise.  Her answer thwarted any efforts she may have held to make friends on her block.

She’d called 911 claiming the tortoise wouldn’t allow her to step outside of the bathroom she’d transformed to a greenhouse.  While on the phone she explained the tortoise would only stand down if they delivered a green screen and put it in her bedroom.

The dog was older than the tortoise so her proposition begged for a philosophical shotgun.  In the end it was decided the woman was older than the dog and the tortoise so the police shot and killed her.

The neighbors clapped for although events did not transpire as expected, the end result was her release and it was a wish swiftly granted.

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